It’s Okay Not to Be Joyful When Life Hurts

Why it's OK not to be joyful when things suck. It’s been a strange new season of packing up, unpacking and going through memories as we've moved into a new home. Some of this has been very emotional, packing away memories we have made and some of it is just fatigue from my energy being next to nil.

One of the things that is super important to the hubby is finding a decent church to plug into. For me, I want kind people that understand that I don’t have the spoons to run programs or lead a choir. Not that you want me leading a choir, but sometimes people get desperate.

So the easiest thing and safest for me being immunocompromised is attending online services. That way we get to see what the church is like without the germs. So far we have attended three services. I liked one, was neutral with the second and today we tried the third church.

It started out fine. It was an older liturgy that I remembered from my childhood. My son said it was good. He also likes the older hymns. Then we got to the sermon.

This is where the train fell off the track. The pastor started talking about how we should always be joyful and not get angry at God when bad things happen. Get caught speeding? Accept your fate with joy. Car won’t start? Again be happy. While I was mentally thinking this could not get much worse, it did.

Have a chronic or terminal illness? Rejoice and be happy. Excuse me?? Did I misunderstand? Sadly I did not. He elaborated quite a bit on this and threw in good old Daniel and the lions. Also Stephen getting stoned with a smile on his face and possible hymn signing with joy.

Look, I am not saying that I have lions ready to eat me. Nor am I saying we should walk through life wailing and gnashing our teeth. And if you get a speeding ticket and want to rejoice, I am not going to stop you. I may question your theory of joy, but hey, we all have our quirks.

But chronic and terminal illness isn’t a happy rainbow. When I was diagnosed with MELAS I certainly wasn’t singing hymns of joy. Being thankful during difficult times is a deeply personal and often complex matter. It's not always good to be thankful for bad things happening because it can lead to a range of negative consequences, including emotional suppression, spiritual bypassing, and a misunderstanding of a healthy relationship with God.

Forcing yourself to be thankful for a negative event can be a form of emotional suppression. When we ignore or deny our genuine feelings of sadness, anger, or fear, we prevent ourselves from processing the experience in a healthy way. This can lead to long-term psychological harm, such as anxiety, depression, and an inability to cope with future stressors. It's important to allow ourselves to grieve and feel the full spectrum of our emotions, as this is a crucial part of healing and also the way we were created. I

t’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to question things. What is NOT OK is to have someone tell you to buck up and just be happy and look on the sunny side of life all the damn time. If they tell you this, it’s OK for you to walk away from them. I also want to remind these people that a certain carpenter’s son didn’t tell the sick to just “cheer up and look on the sunny side of life”. Or that James (the book people sometimes overlook because he gives practical advice no one wants to follow) tells people to take care of those that need it.

I want you to find joy, but I also want you to know it’s OK if you aren’t feeling it. Or you want to be angry. We weren’t made to be robots. These emotions not only can bring growth, but can also bring healing. All I know is I’m going to keep living my life and feelings out loud and I encourage you to do the same as well.