Priorities and Reciprocities

I have been thinking quite frequently about two areas that continue to shape my actions: priorities and reciprocities.

Priorities are constantly shifting, often to the point that I evaluate them subconsciously. At their core, they are a personal ranking of what matters most. They can include responsibilities to family, friends, career, hobbies, and more. Sometimes they feel like obligations. Other times they feel like purpose and passion. And sometimes they are driven purely by stress or survival.

They are not fixed. They are as variable as the clouds passing overhead, always changing with circumstance.

When disability enters that equation, everything shifts. The structure of priorities does not just adjust, it is rebuilt. Spoons, ability, and access become part of the calculation.

Growing up with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, I learned to prioritize enjoyment in ways that fit my abilities, like painting and sculpting small figures. As I lost fine motor skills, those creative outlets had to move lower on the list.

At one point, my PhD was at the top of everything. It represented more than six years of work and focus. Then came the now infamous gallbladder experience, also known as the Era of Lady Gallga, and suddenly my priorities became much simpler. Breathing, speaking, and surviving took precedence. Rehabilitation reshuffled things again. Career priorities dropped, while quality of life glacially increased.

Not that quality of life was ever unimportant, but stress, cultural expectations, wanting a relationship, weight, diet, and both internalized and external ableism clouded what should matter most.

So I keep coming back to this question. Is reciprocation itself a priority? Or do the people we choose to reciprocate with reveal what our true priorities are?

I think these questions have shaped how I approach relationships. But I am also learning something new. Maybe the real challenge is not only how I reciprocate with others, but how I reciprocate with myself. If I can meet myself where I am, if I can prioritize my own needs, energy, and reality, then the rest begins to feel more natural. Less forced.